Sometimes a step back is a step forward!

ill be honest, i have no idea what's going on right now.
With the recent deleting on Skype, re-adding of me and
being somewhat distant towards me in the last few days, all i can do right now i guess is give her all the time she needs.

I'll certainly be waiting for her and be there for her if she needs me.
I care deeply for her and all i want is for her to be happy.
With or without me. Preferably in the end with me ofcourse.

I certainly don't want to make her mad or upset her.
I just hope that sometime soon things will be OK again between us.
And that whatever is happening at this moment is a thing in the past soon.

As long as she knows that i will be there for her, when and wherever.

I consider Diana very special and i'd do anything for her.
Even if that means she wants some time off from me.

Blind Love

One thing I found out today should be an important lesson to me, and I really should remember this that love can make you act on pure instinct and not think clearly.
A few chained events by random coincidence could produce a living hell I noticed.

From messages from others to the failure of machinery or applications.

And now I feel like a true jack-ass. Or I did when I found this out.

One thing that did not change is the thought of communication towards passed friends.
Last night I made a decision, and I'm gonna stick to this.
No more contact with people that cause drama from my past.
If messages arrive, they will be wavered off... ignored.

I wonder if I should stop talking to myself then... since I can be a drama queen too. (Maybe I should have bought that barbie doll, like Diana told me)

I am however glad I took the day off from work, despite the way I felt. Besides the bad weather, I think I did needed this day off during the week as well.

Now I realize in the end it was me acting childish.
Guess it makes me human, and certainly not perfect either.

I'll certainly do my best from now on to keep an open mind on things and not act without solid reason.

Misunderstood

This is one keyword to describe half of my weekend to be honest. At least the times I felt a bit meh.

But then... sometimes I don't even understand myself and I wonder if I ever will do.

Weekend Warrior vs. Boredom

Despite the fact that it's weekend, which is normally a time I look forward to, I have to say that yesterday (friday) and today has been rather boring so far.
I rather be at work now and finish the project that we're working at now, then to just sit here and stare at a TV screen or a monitor.

Especially since noone is on that i can talk to.

Maybe I should become some superhero/vigilante during the weekends and prowl the street. I bet it would produce less boredom.

Hopefully Diana comes online soon, because I don't feel like spending the entire day with playing videogames. (Yes, you heard that right!)
The gamer in me needs a few days off too.

Not much to report besides...

That Diana is now my girlfriend.

Life is friggin good!
She's so awesome.

Mad about Myself

Earlier today, in fact, about an hour ago, I was talking to Diana.
We were talking about my point of view about women normally in general and how they often used to go for looks alone when it came to me. With that saying.. They never came to me.

For me, being overweight was more of a reason to see who would like me for who I am, and not go for looks. I found that person in Diana. She cares for me for who I am and nothing else. Sadly she took this in the wrong context.
Maybe I just explained it the wrong way...

But why i'm really mad is, that I never EVER wanted to hurt her. In fact, i still don't want to do that. Diana was and still is very special to me.
She truly is my best friend and soulmate.

And now I hurt her. And it breaks my heart. I love this girl, more than I should probably admit righht now. But I care for her very much.

She's the only one in my life, where I feel alive and happy with.
Someone, which I know that cares for me.

Gah, feel like crying now.

I just don't ever want her to think that I think she likes me for looks or anything.
I admire her for everything that she stands for and i truly would go through heaven and earth, just to make her happy. And I know deep in my heart she's the real deal.

I'll go to sleep now.. hopefully being waken up by her.

Masked Avenger

Well, after about one week worth of waiting, Diana finally got what she wished for.
I dressed up as her favorite hero, Zorro.
The smile on her face was definitely worth it.
I normally never do these kind of things, in fact, I never done this for any of my ex girlfriends either, but as I told her, she's special.
For her I dont mind going on a webcam, it just feels natural.

And ofcourse during movie night that we also had, I still had to peek at her every now and then, because it makes me smile.
We're just friends, and yet it feels so much closer at some points.
Would I ever want to be more with Diana. Yes, very much so.
Don't know what life brings ofcourse, but i'm certainly want to proof to her that I do really care and am not bullshitting around.

She deserves all this attention, and to see her smile, totally makes my day.

I consider you already like my bestest friend, Diana!
Thanks for making me happy too.