Anger

I can tell that Christmas is upon us again. Because usually, everytime around this time, things aren't going my way. I won't go into details this time, but the entire last few days have been like a living hell.

It's like the beginning of 2010 again. Seriously, it's like an almost perfect copy of what happened between Diana and me.

You know what? I can't even be arsed to finish writing this post.
I rather calm down.

What I need is what happened last year as well after the Diana debacle.
The feeling of numbness.
The feeling where i've been hurt so gigantically, that I don't have the energy anymore to simply care. Where everything is bliss and where I will once again seclude myself from most social contact, except for work.

So I now await you numbness... cover me with your goodness and let me stop caring about everyone and the world, except for myself.

Let me become the asshole I yearn to be, where the asshole does get the girl and the good guys are always last.

Let me be that asshole! I deserve that Santa!
I've been a good person for far too long now. And it never gave me anything but misery.