Empy shell

I've not been feeling like my usual self anymore.
It's like my entire essence left me, and all that I am, is an empty shell.
I exist, but i'm not fully there.

I feel like everything around me is falling apart.

Like people try to protect me from something.

I rather know the truth, than always wonder about 'What if?'

Maybe it's because of the holidays. I don't know.
I watched The Grinch last night, and honestly, I can very much relate to him in most ways. I used to love Christmas, now it is meaningless to me.
A commercialized holiday. The only good thing about it? I got the week off.
Right now I rather work though, so I could get my mind off from things.

A few weeks ago Tracy and I seemed like a team. Nothing could break us apart. We flirted... even openly in her comments, and now, suddenly that is gone.
I tried it last night, but nothing.

All that I feel i'm good for is being that 'friend'. The one that makes people laugh, and be there for them.

I cry now. I miss her. I talk to her, but it's like we can't connect anymore like we used to.

I honestly believe that slowly our friendship is coming to an end.
I don't want that, and I know she does not want that either.
But her other 'friend' is just making things too hard.

A shame that a friendship that has existed for quite a lot of years seem to be coming to an end, over a friendship that only recently existed.

But as the way I feel right now, I simply cannot co-exist when he's in the picture.

I miss her. She's there, but she's out of reach now.

I feel like the dude from Titanic. Holding on to life, and slowly sinking into the depths of the ocean.