No matter what people say or do, I think that life can play silly tricks on a person. One moment a person is absolutely happy in life. A person falls in love, has child(ren) and the next it's all taken away because either a loved one dies, or perhaps both die in a horrible accident, leaving a child behind.
My life is somewhat like that too. Life started out pretty good. I had a good childhood.
Sure, there were times when i'm sure both my parents could crawl up the curtains cause i did something that was frowned upon by them, but overall, it was a good time.
It started to go downhill i guess when my mom found out she had cancer at the age of 32. My neighbour had the same cancer, except that was the terminal one. For awhile i thought this would happen too to my mother. I was still a kid, so how would i know?
Then my dad had a heart attack at the age of 36. Luckily he survived, but had another one not too long afterwards. It's ironic really when people tell you that sports is healthy for you, yet you find out that lots of people that play a sports get heart attacks and sometimes die.
Is sports really that good for you?
Not long after that, my grandpa passed away. I was only 12. I remember the day vividly. I mean, i wasn't at the hospital when it happened. My grandpa didnt want me to be there either. Not because he hated me or anything, i know he didn't, but he knew it would be hard on me.
I was send to my friend Marco to play there for the day. And i'm not sure around what time he passed away, but i knew it was around 4pm. I had a weird feeling around then.
Also when my parents were back home and i went home too, i already knew what happened before they told me.
In between 1990 when my grandpa passed away and 2003, there were more deaths in the family, but as hard as it may sound, they didnt affect me much as they were mostly family members i hardly saw. Nevertheless, my mom's condition became worse. Due to radiation treatments in the past, her lung capacity became less and her spleen was as good as gone.
One moment she could easily walk around and before you knew it, she couldn't even reach the dinner table anymore or go upstairs on her own.
In 2000 the doctors apparently told my dad and her that she may not live much longer. A year at the most. Now i was told that the inevitable could happen, but still it's something you rather not hear.
Because in all fairness, losing either 1 or both my parents was the worst thing that could happen to me. Luckily my mom lived on for at least 3 more years.
My mom developed breastcancer as well in the last year that she lived, and got treated twice for it, only to find out it already spread out.
5 days before she passed away i had a dream. In it was my mom who came to visit me and said her goodbyes to me. Although i just waved it off as a dream, the days that followed i kept thinking of that dream and realized that perhaps my mind told me that this was it.
She passed away of cardiac arrest and not due to diseases.
Less than 2 to 4 weeks later my grandpa (my dad's father) passed away as well.
I never told my dad this, but i'm sure he knew that i had the upmost respect for him and how he got through 2 deaths close to him.
For weeks i feared this would cause another heart attack or so to my dad, due to stress etc.
We adjusted to life as it was really, and the next 6 years went by like a rollercoaster.
My grandma got sick as well for a few months before she passed away.
Then came 2009. I guess the worst year of my life.
On January 30th, my dad passed away. The day before he was already not feeling well, mostly being very cold. No matter how high the temperature was. But it's not a sign when you think that things will go bad. It was mostly unexpected really. And i remember it was a friday and finding your dad passed away is truly a scary moment to live through. How i held my head clear i do not know. But after seeing him laying there in quite a weird position, and with tears in my eyes yelling Dad! I knew what happened. Nevertheless, calling 112 (national alarm number) was the first thing in mind. This might sound funny, it does to me at least, but i remember the phonecall to my work as well.
All i could say was that my dad passed away so i don't think i can make it that day to work.
I think when it became nighttime and all family was gone, it all really sank in.
It even affected my cat who loved being around my dad. He was there the entire night.
Three months later i lost my job as well.
But hey, i'm not saying all life was bad. Surely it seems like that as i only talked about the negative. It certainly had it's ups as well.
The times my dad let me play on his gameconsole when i still lived in Nijmegen, just after he went to work. Or going to the soccer field where he used to play soccer and just play with my own soccerball there. Oh the times i got covered in mud there. My parents were furious, but hey, i had a good time. Or all the times i watched TV or a movie with my mom or both my parents.
But also all other good times when i met people. Most online. Poh Gaik, who i now know for 11 years. And Abbie, who has been supporting me a lot when my mom passed away, and who i support in return whenever life wasn't going well for her. I shouldn't forget my ex gf either. She kept me sane through rough times between 2000 and 2003.
I don't know what else life will bring me. But i hope for years to come, that it is only positive things.
Herb Crust Pan Pizza
16 years ago
